


John Mulaney, Who?

by mercurymotel



Series: Hey, What's It Like? [1]
Category: Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:00:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24639571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mercurymotel/pseuds/mercurymotel
Summary: We know that parallel universes are different but just how different are they?*This is a very self-indulgent one shot fic to simulate some hilarious interactions between the Spiders of different universes. And since I have no idea what their different universes are like this is COMPLETELY fanon. If there's anything pertaining to canon, well, then go me because that's not what I planned.*
Series: Hey, What's It Like? [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1781542
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	John Mulaney, Who?

**Author's Note:**

> If you didn't come from TikTok and you're wondering who JJ Clemmons/Ultraviolet are, they're an original character made for the Spider-Verse by my friend Lizz! If you want to know more about the character go check out and support Lizz on TikTok @littlelizzagna!
> 
> If you did come from TikTok but don't know who JJ or Ultraviolet are, what are you waiting for?! Go check her out and give Lizz all your support!

“I know you guys hate staying in my room but this is all we got right now, especially with him here,” Miles addressed the rest of the people in the room; Gwen, Peter B. Parker, and Peter Porker.

Porker knew Miles was talking about him and he wouldn’t let that slide. “Are you kidding me? This is my fault?! Why don’t you take a look at Peter there and tell me that I’m the reason we’re in your room.” When he was done with his little outburst, he snorted and went back to eating the food that Miles had prepared for the group.

“I don’t think that’s fair, Porker. I’m the most normal looking person in the room,” Peter responded offhandedly, reaching his hand into a greasy white bag next to his chair and pulling out a fry. After inspecting it and putting it in his mouth, his gaze swept the room. Porker kept eating his food, completely ignoring Peter, but Gwen and Miles were staring at him as if he had grown a second head. “You do know that the three of us come from the most similar universes, right?” Gwen asked, eyebrows knitted in confusion. Miles’ face mirrored hers with the addition of his palms pressed together and held up to his mouth, as if he was praying.

“Man, do you ever hear yourself talk sometimes? Because I wish I didn’t when you say things like that.”

Chuckles arose from Gwen and Porker as Peter felt heat rise to his cheeks, but he refused to admit that he was embarrassed. As the laughter had begun to die down, there was a third laugh that seemed to hang in the air longer than the others. Everyone turned to Miles’ open window and were relieved to see a familiar face hanging just outside. “So, am I welcome in?” JJ flipped onto the window ledge in that traditional Spider-Man pose, almost as if she was teasing the group. Not waiting for an answer, she entered the room and found an empty seat on Miles’ bed.

“God, JJ you almost scared the crap out of me! I thought you were a ghost or something,” Gwen chuckled out breathlessly. Miles gave JJ a small wave but was ultimately engrossed with a seemingly deep conversation with Porker that appeared to have initiated just before JJ had climbed through the window.

“What, Gwen, do you guys actively have ghosts in your universe? Because in mine we have TV shows about ghost hunters and stuff but no, like, actual proof of ghosts, you know?” JJ couldn’t help but say amusedly.

Appearing to trip over her words, Gwen seemed almost embarrassed by what JJ had mentioned about her universe. She managed to finally say something loud enough for the rest of the group to hear but she continued to stare at the floor, trying very hard to avoid making eye contact with anyone. “I mean… they haven’t been proven to be real… but, I mean… I guess I believe that they could be real… you know?”

The group fell silent, unsure of what to say next. Even Miles and Porker shut up to hear where this was heading. JJ cleared her throat and attempted to make Gwen feel less embarrassed by what she had said. “You’re right, I mean, superheroes are real, aliens are real apparently, why can’t ghosts be?”

Gwen thanked JJ with a bashful smile and the group went back to whatever they had been doing earlier. Miles went back to being engrossed with Porker while Peter and Gwen went back to eating. Meanwhile, JJ immediately became more interested in her phone than anything else happening in the room.

A few minutes had passed like that, with ease and comfort filling the room before Miles looked like he was getting ready to say something. Turning to the rest of the group, Miles had his eyebrows knitted but this time in a more serious manner. His gaze swept the room before he finally spoke. “Porker sounds really familiar but I can’t quite put my finger on it. Right?” His face contorted into one of questioning waiting for the others to respond. Peter and JJ simply shrugged, Peter continuing to eat and JJ seemingly fiddling with her phone. Continuing to ignore Miles, Peter turned towards JJ and asked “You can use your phone in this dimension?” He seemed genuinely curious and JJ simply responded with a small smile, “Anywhere there’s wifi a phone is bound to work.” JJ continued to play on her phone, picking at the grapes that Miles had set out while Gwen, Miles, and Porker continued trying to figure out just who Porker sounded like.

“No, I see what you mean. Or hear it, I guess. But you get the point,” Gwen responded to Miles with a face of understanding and wagging a knowing finger.

A few moments of silence passed between the group but if anyone else had seen them, they would be able to hear the gears turning in Miles and Gwen’s heads as Porker looked confusedly between the two in an almost cartoonish way.

After a few more seconds of pressing silence, Miles jolted upright and snapped his fingers, alarming everyone else in the room. As tensed shoulders began to relax, Miles went on to exclaim, “Porker, you sound exactly like this one comedian, John Mulaney!”

Gwen grimaced in an almost unpleasant way before agreeing, “Dear God, you’re right. Man, now I can’t unhear it. It’s uncanny.”

“Oh, you have a John Mulaney in your universe too? That’s sick.”

Porker interrupted the revelation between Gwen and Miles and added his own input, “I don’t know who this ‘John Mulaney’ fellow is,” Porker tried, to the best of his ability, to do air quotes as he had seen others do and failed miserably, “But he sounds like a mighty fine fellow.”

An orange slice fell out of Miles’ hand that had been making its way to his mouth and hit the floor with a splat. His mouth remained open, gaping. Gwen knitted her fingers together and brought them up to her mouth, bringing her elbows to rest on her knees. Her eyes narrowed to match Miles’ level of disbelief. Peter was shocked too but hid it better as he continued to eat. His demeanor hardly changed besides his eyes widening. JJ didn’t seem to be bothered by Porker’s statement, barely tearing her eyes from playing Mario Kart, it seemed, on her phone.

“What do you MEAN you don’t know who John Mulaney is? He’s one of the most popular comedians in the world!” Miles quickly corrected himself, “In this country. You have to be joking, right? I’m pretty sure every universe has a John Mulaney in some form. I mean, we all have Spider-M… People in a way.”

Gwen nodded in agreement before adding her own universe into the mix. “Yeah! John Mulaney actually isn’t a comedian in my universe, his wife is, though. Annamarie Tendler is hilarious, John is just a good use of content.”

With eyes narrowed, Miles turned to speak directly to Gwen. His voice feigned hurt, for what purpose, no one in the room knew. “For a second there, Gwen, I really thought I could trust you and your lousy universe.” 

Gwen threw her arms up in mock surrender and responded as casually as possible, “Well, what can I say, Miles? John in my universe is a slightly above average mediocre white man.” She shrugged and smiled slyly as Miles began to look even more comically betrayed.

JJ set her phone down on Miles’ bed and began slow-clapping to what Gwen had said. “I’ve never heard any truer words come out of that pretty mouth of yours.” Turning to Miles, she continued, pointing an accusing finger at him, “He may be a decent comedian in my universe too but you have to admit, man, he is just a mediocre white man.”

At that point, Peter, who had been in the middle of drinking a soda, snorted so hard that the drink almost shot out of his nose. He doubled over, with a mixture of coughing and laughing making its way out of his mouth. JJ, Gwen, and Miles started scrambling around the small room in a panic trying to find water before Peter started waving his hand dismissively. “I’m fine,” his voice sounded strained but less so than before, “but JJ, that’s the best thing I’ve heard coming out of any of your mouths. And now my nose burns, thanks for that. But what you said sounds just about right.” By then, Peter seemed to have regained his composure and continued to laugh to himself and pick at the fries in the bag beside him.

Ignoring Peter, Miles went on to ask Gwen a question about her universe, “Is your universe really heavily women-centric or…?” He waved his arms in a questioning manner, hoping to get his confusion regarding Annamarie Tendler and John Mulaney across to her.

Gwen simply shrugged and responded with, “I mean, I guess so, yeah. Compared to your universe at least. In the first little while that I came here I noticed that your universe is disgustingly filled with,” here, Gwen made a dramatic pause and made a show of gagging before finally choking out, “...men.” All this to show her distaste of Miles’ men-centric universe and make it known to everyone in the room.

“I hate to break it to you, Gwen, but I think your universe is the most progressive out of all of ours. We have a women president in my universe but sexism and misogyny is still running rampant.” Peter didn’t add anything to JJ’s statement but confirmed that the same applied to his universe.

Gwen appeared slightly disappointed by that and remained silent in a sort of defeat. As the group fell silent once more, Porker piped up, startling the rest of them, since they had forgotten he was there. “I know we’ve moved past this but I just have a really quick question; what’s a comedian?”

Gwen, Peter, Miles, and JJ all stared at Porker in complete and utter disbelief, and they were all unsure of how to proceed without appearing rude. Especially since the cartoon pig seemed truly genuine in his inquiry. Peter broke through the uneasiness in the room first but not in a very sensitive way. “What do you mean ‘what’s a comedian?’All you were was comic relief when we made the movie, I would hope that you knew what a comedian is.”

Porker responded matter-of-factly to Peter’s rude remark. “In my universe, everything is wacky and goofy all the time. By jove, I don’t think anyone has a serious bone in their body there!”

“Are you a Looney Tunes character?” Miles barely managed to whisper. 

Bringing her hands to her thighs and standing up from her chair, Gwen exhaled heavily. “I’m taking that as my cue to leave. Catch you guys in the next universe.” And with that came a thwip sending Gwen out the window with a wave and a flash. 

“Yeah, I’m done being harassed here. Don’t be surprised if I don’t show up next time!” And with the same thwip and flash, Porker was gone as well.

Miles, JJ, and Peter smiled at each other. “Well, kid, looks like it’s our turn to go, too. Take care and don’t do anything I would do.” He jumped out the window and was lost from sight.

As Miles was watching Peter leave he didn’t notice JJ move to the other window and perch there the same way that she had entered. Without another word, JJ gave Miles a little salute and disappeared into the setting sun.

Once JJ had left, Miles shut his window and opened his phone, setting a timer for the next time they would all meet again.

With a smile on his face, he read:  
6 days, 23 hours, 59 minutes, 59, 58, 57, 56…

**Author's Note:**

> I kinda plan on making this a one shot series with each one shot addressing a different situation that the Spiders come up with at that time. Along with that I wanna keep adding OCs made for the Spider-Verse so if you have an OC then I would love to write them into this series! Contact me @emireneofficial on Instagram!
> 
> Wanna know what I was listening to? Basically the entire Into the Spider-Verse soundtrack because it slaps


End file.
